Nostalgic Memories & thoughts.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

hahaha I'm just fooling around.
Well, this is supposed to be a very nostalgic post, 
so I'm not going to start the intro by making all of us here emotional because very high likely, 
I will be, after typing this entire essay. 

My friend sent me a print screen of a comment from someone else's picture, 
saying that they miss the old version of that person. 
So a question instantly & naturally popped into my empty mind, 
do I miss the old me? 

Who, what and how exactly is the old me...?
the one with long RED hair? 

Or was it the short red hair? I can't exactly recall how long was it since the last time I crazily chopped off my entire pony tail to get "appleminiberry's" hairstyle HAHAHA
*if you guys were using instagram a few years ago and constantly stalk pretty Thai girls like a creep like me, you would know her ;) *
-check out that double chin that I still have now hahahaha 

Or was it the me who got an ugly ass nose piercing?!
*okay, definitely not missing this me HAHAHA*
100% no plastic surgery done, that I can assure you, it was purely puberty & 2 times of botox to reduce my fats hahahah

I'm pretty sure I miss the ME who used to dance, 
traditional, hip hop, girl style...I enjoyed dancing so much. 
Only up until a point where responsibilities showed up...

when its time to make decisions about life, 
which directions I need to turn to, 
I decided to give up private school simply because it was too tough for me, 
now, I know a lot of you might think that private schools are for dumbass kids who fail their exams during primary. 
Well, in fact, 
it's not. 
we learn the exact same thing you government school students were learning, 
& on top of that, 
we need to take extra subjects in chinese language for the SAME SUBJECTS YOU WERE TAKING. 
what does that mean?
for example, 
you guys have sejarah, we too, have to learn sejarah BUT also required to take China history. 

so in total, we chinese private school students were taking double the subjects compared to government school students just to be prepared for both UEC examination & SPM. 
Yes, I suck, 
so badly, I can't take the pressure from that tough-ass school .
It was too much, and partly because my close friends were moving to international school or even out of malaysia.
So I made a decision to switch to a normal government convent school for my senior high.

*Believe it or not, we were 16 hahahah those were the days.*

So I thought it would be a good choice to change to a normal all girl convent secondary school. 
That leads me to my friends that are still close to me up until now.

Von, you guys might recognize her,
well this was at least 4 years ago,
we both still look the same HAHAH
because there were shades so....I don't think she will murder me cause of this old pic.
Well, the sad part is,
she's now in Melbourne, looking for a better direction in life,
and I really wish her the best in everything she does,
because I believe she can make it no matter what.

YC, she's my ultimate lover!
She's always there for me, whether I'm happy or down,
she will always find ways to make me laugh,
also that badass that brought me to clubs and events HAHA.
Life is monotonous without her now,
as she's currently in Melbourne to further her studies,
but I am super proud of her decision.
then again, please don't kill me for posting old photos...HAHA

Jeanteen! My cute little buddy! 
She's the master mind behind all of those amazing lookbook series that I used to have,
she takes amazing photos, and she can actually "tahan" to be under the sun with me just to snap a few shots that is to my liking, she's now in UK to further her studies as well.

With so much going on, it feels like I don't have enough time for me to blink my asian lids, 
before everything changed. 

college was by far, my favorite period of time in my life. 
no responsibilities, no commitments, 

It was such a carefree period where all I need to worry about was when are my assignments due and whether I have enough petrol to go home, (I stay pretty far away from the city back at home, so that was one of my main concerns HAHA) or what to eat for lunch :3

Now that I've moved all the way to KL, 
I know, not too far away from my hometown, 
but because of uni life, it is pretty much impossible to take a leave and go home whenever I feel like it. 
I got to taste the experience of paying my own bills, 
although my parents still support my monthly allowances, 
however, dealing with your own finance is harder than it seems, 
ESPECIALLY when you're a girly girl like me ;)
hello? a good and comfortable pair of bra also need at least RM100 nowadays okay?! 

I was stupid and naive enough to think that I am smart enough to control my spending habits, 
and thennnnnn I got a dog x)
her medical fees, monthly food expenses are one of the many reasons why my allowance drained so fast.

But blaming the things that I did, 
its not the way of how I'm going to improve, 
I'm starting to learn from my mistakes and move on to a better and healthier lifestyle.

Responsibilities are hard to avoid, 
this is why, my favorite childhood memories are

I am pretty glad that I got to learn so much more on my own, 
it helps me grow, into someone that is not as playful as I was, 
I mean.... didn't you see my ridiculously ugly nose piercing earlier..? hahahahha
I am a person that loves exploring new things, 
also partly why after getting my first and ONLY tattoo 4 years ago, 
I didn't get a 2nd one at all.

One of the many reasons why I'm feeling so sentimental today, 
is because I read my old blogposts, 
gosh, they were all so different, 
the pictures, the writing, EVERYTHING INCLUDED MYSELF! 

I'm not ashamed to admit the fact that I can't write 100% pow-derful english, 
I mean, I was brought up from a chinese family, 
also fully chinese educated for a good 11 years. 
I'm not exactly proud of my english to ahhh please, 
I'm trying to improve, I'm striving harder to change my broken grammar btw hahaha!

I enjoyed blogging, because of writing and venting out my thoughts, my feelings, even stupid karaoke night out with my girlfriends without caring what others think about me, my life or even the things I say. 
At this point of life, 
I almost forgot the joy of recording down my moments without getting sponsored, 
or paid. 
I now, remembered the reasons why I started this very page, 
it was heart breaks, 
travel trips, 
spontaneous dates, 
and casual writing. 

without social media, 
I'm just me. 
A girl who's still studying and fighting hard *not really* to get her degree so she can find a job in the future, 
a girl that loves makeup & photography but never know the professional way of doing it, 
or even a normal girl with super dry hair with millions of split ends *WAH for a moment it sounded like my hair is damn volumnizing HAHAH MILLIONS WORRR XD
Of course, couldn't admit more that social media gave me extra advantage to experience new adventures, and also meeting new faces.

I feel super blessed, 
in fact EXTRA blessed today because of the value that I get to learn throughout the days that I'm on my own independently, 
to get to learn responsibilities,
to get to see people from a different perspective,
to get to judge things from a positive manner,
Bryan played a very important role in my life now,
teaching me things I'm newly exposed to,
helping me view things with optimistic manner,
I am truly glad, that he's one person that brought joy into my life other than my parents.

People always say, 
if you don't want others to treat you the way you hate it, 
then don't do the same to others too. 

From this sentence, 
I also see an indirect meaning of:
Don't ever use your own power to lower the value of others. 

If one day, 
a big FAT annoying ass obstacle come in my way, 
I'll put an assumption as:
Maybe its just an indirect way of God trying to give you a privilege to be stronger and learn more. 
with courage, we can solve anything,
and with brains, we can solve things in a proper manner. 

I'm happy where I got to at this point of life, 
I feel lucky, that I'm starting to feel the JOY in life. 
Also glad, that there's minimal amount of negativity around me, 
being happy, is when you're being yourself, and enjoying life to the fullest.



  1. I love this post and how 'down to earth' this is. Keep it up and always keep in touch with yourself <3

    1. Thank you so muchhhhh I really appreciate your comment :)
      I'm trying my very best to stay myself and not get affected by my surroundings hahah <3 x